It's All in Your Head
by stephfarrow94
Summary: When Bel crosses the line with his pranks after cutting Squalo's hair in his sleep, Squalo realises just how much he's sick of the blond and is willing to do whatever it takes to ruin Bel. It works, leaving a broken prince in his wake. SqualoXBel, SB, yaoi, implied rape.
1. Chapter 1

As Belphegor grew older with each year that passed since the ring battle four years ago, the Varia had expected his psychotic personality and wild – not to mention _life threatening – _pranks to stop. Much to their disappointment, quite the opposite had happened.

Squalo could remember a time when Bel would climb up onto his lap in the middle of a thunderstorm or come into his room at odd hours of the night, silent from nightmares that haunted his young mind. The older male had found it to be almost cute in a way.

But now, Squalo considered him to be nothing but a pest that he just couldn't get rid of no matter what he did.

The Italian male had finally cracked after waking up to find that boy had cut parts of his hair as he slept, and now he wanted nothing more than to make sure Bel never bothered him again – the blond had crossed many lines in his lifetime, but messing with the shark's hair was the line of no return.

"Voi! Bel, where the fuck are you, you brat?" Squalo roared as he stormed towards the younger's bedroom, knowing that while it was still early in the morning, the younger was most likely still sleeping.

Kicking open the door that led into Belphegor's bedroom, Squalo snarled to himself as he found the other sprawled out on his king-size bed, curled up under the blood red comforter and surrounded by many pillows.

The blond slowly sat up as he sensed Squalo approaching him, the late night of pulling pranks having taken most of his energy. He pulled his usual Cheshire cat smile, admiring his handiwork as the ruined strands he had chopped off curled up and stuck out like a sore toe amongst the untouched silver strands.

"Squ-chan, your hair looks absolutely aweful, ushishishi…" Bel laughed to himself as he noticed the enraged expression pass through his comrade's face.

_Little shit has crossed the line, _Squalo thought as he reached out and grabbed the younger male's shoulders, slamming Bel into the headboard of the bed behind him.

Bel smiled at the ill treatment of his body, feeling his groin twitch in interest. "Squ-chan, you shouldn't treat a prince so rough."

"Why not?" Squalo snarled, determined to find Bel's weakest points and use them against him – teach him that his troublemaking shit would no longer be tolerated. "Don't you like it when you're treated like a common whore?"

Bel's body tensed before he reached down into his pyjama pants pocket, slipping three knives into his hand.

"The prince is _not _a common whore…" the blond hissed dangerously, ready to stab his assaulter as deep as he could if the other dared insult him like he had again.

Squalo close enough for his hot breath to be felt on Bel's face. He knew he had found Bel's weak spot. There was really nothing physical that would bother the suicidal little bastard – it was mental things that would get to that psychopathic mind.

Snatching the knives from Bel's hands, Squalo whispered, "Are you sure you're not?" His breaths sent shudders down the younger male's spine. "I know you. I know you need pain to get off. I also know you'd fuck anyone and everyone if you didn't look down on the world. You lock yourself in your room and watch porn more than anyone else in the Varia. It's so fucking pitiful, it amazes me how you can still call yourself a prince."

The cogs turned furiously in Bel's mind, trying to rebut the accusations – but they both knew it was true.

"Leave me alone," Bel hissed, trying to struggle out of Squalo's grip.

"You don't deserve to call yourself a prince," Squalo continued, unable to stop now that he was finally getting his hatred out into the open. "You're not in your homeland any longer. All you are is someone more pathetic than those dirty civilians you look down on so much. Just because you were lucky enough to have been born into royalty doesn't make you as special as you think you are. You lost that title all those years ago when you slaughtered your own family."

As much as Bel hated to admit it, Squalo was really getting to him. He could remember Rasiel's sneering face, the older male reminding him of how he was _always _second best in _everything – _even in _birth._

How _dare _Squalo remind him of Rasiel.

Opening and closing his mouth wordlessly, Bel fumed. He wanted to kill the older man for making him feel things he hadn't felt in years, but Squalo had taken his knives away. Without them, he wasn't strong enough to protect himself.

Squalo's heavy body crushed Bel's as he continued to bring the other down with cruel words one would not have expected from even _him. _

"Rasiel would have been a much better member of the Varia," the silver-haired male growled. "We'd have all preferred Rasiel – _you _should be the one six feet under."

These words hurt. _A lot. _More than Bel could handle emotionally – a psychopathic murderer he was, yes, but he still had his weak spots, and Rasiel's superiority over him was that.

Feeling hot tears slip down his cheeks, Bel hissed, "Fuck you."

"With pleasure." Squalo's hands travelled down to the buckle of Bel's belt, unclipping it. He slid the younger's pants down to his knees all in with fell swoop, the blond frozen in horror as he realised what was about to happen.

_Is he trying to take my _dignity _away, too? _ Bel thought to himself, finding the strength to fight back – but Squalo was stronger than he was and, once his hands were tied to the headboard of his bed with his own belt, the blond knew he was at the mercy of the stronger man.

Within the rest of the Varia Headquarters, no one cared for the blond's screams and pleads, instead going about their own business.

As Bel realised that no one cared enough for him to stop this torture, the tears rolled down his cheeks harder. _Whatever I did to deserve this, I'm sorry – just make it _stop…!

But, despite what Bel was willing to give, Squalo never relented as he defiled the blond's pure body, causing distress in the younger Bel had never felt before – and the white-haired man _liked _it.

As for Bel – someone who loved the sight of his own blood and the pain that accompanied it – could only wish for the death that would never come.


	2. Chapter 2

By the time dinner rolled by, the Varia's blond annoyance had not been seen by anyone. It was no surprise when the only person who cared enough to question the Storm's missing presence was Lussuria, but no one could give him any answers – except for Squalo, but the silver-haired male wasn't about to admit what had happened to _Lussuria _of all people; it would only result in him being bitched at, and he wasn't in the mood to handle it.

"Do you know where Bel is, hun?" the flamboyant man questioned Squalo over the dinner table, Levi – the only other member eating with them – nodded silently, uninterested in hearing about the blond little shit who made his life a living hell.

Squalo grunted as he stabbed at his meat violently, hoping the Lussuria would get the hint. "Who gives a fuck?"

"Well, I do, for one," Lussuria pointed out. "And now that Mammon's new replacement is here, we need to introduce them as soon as possible."

"Did you check his room?" Squalo rolled his eyes as he lifted his fork to his lips. He kind of hoped Lussuria found Bel and found out what had happened – he wanted to see just how 'Mama Luss' fared when one of her 'children' had been assaulted.

"I did. I knocked on his door but I don't think he was in there – he never replied."

"Just let the little shit be. He'll come out when he's ready to piss everyone off again."

Lussuria frowned, not liking the idea – there was something wrong when Bel couldn't be found, and whether that meant he was off on a pointless murder spree for no reason other than boredom, or he was in one of his rare depressive moods, it was something to be concerned about.

Squalo watched as Lussuria stood up from the dining table, a thoughtful look crossing his face.

"The fuck are you doing?" Squalo snarled as he noticed the way Lussuria wriggled his hips to whatever he was thinking about.

"Bel mustn't want to meet Mammon's replacement~" Lussuria decided. "He must be hiding because of it~ Bel, honey, don't run away~!"

Squalo and Levi watched as Lussuria fled from the kitchen, calling after Bel as if they were playing a game of chase.

"Do you know where he is or not?" Levi questioned, having noticed that Squalo didn't quite seem to be telling the truth – he knew when Squalo started fidgeting and avoiding eye contact, the long-haired commander was lying.

Squalo just shrugged. "Do you honestly give a shit?"

Levi didn't reply to this, knowing the other was right – if Bel was around, _all _of their lives were much easier.

_**~~Bel~~**_

Bel hadn't left his bed once since Squalo had exited his room all those hours earlier. He had long since stopped crying, but the pain in his backside wouldn't go away – it was a pain so different from the sting of deep gashes, his most favourite pain; this was just a dull ache that reminded him of how weak and _disgusting _he was.

Lying motionlessly against his pillows, Bel stared blankly at the wall across from him, his scrawny body still as naked as the day he was born, his stomach and thighs coated in dried semen, some of it mixed in with blood from his torn anus. As ashamed as he was to be naked liked this, it hurt too much to gather his clothes – a bitter reminder that Squalo had taken every last bit of his pride.

_I can't believe I wasn't strong enough to stop him… _Bel flinched as the pain in his backside reared angrily, only adding further to his humiliated state. _How could he do that to a _prince…! _I… I feel so dirty… _

The truth that Bel could never admit to anyone – not even to himself – was the fact that the liquid coating his skin was not just Squalo's – some of it was his, as much as he hadn't wanted what had happened.

Sniffing back tears, Bel's body tensed further as he continued to replay what had happened over and over again in his head. _That was my… first time… _

Bel sobbed quietly to himself as he realised his virginity – the virginity of a _prince _– had been taken by force – something he had never believed would happen.

Reaching out to pull blankets stained with bodily liquids, Bel groaned quietly to himself, the pain flaring as he put pressure on the damage.

_Pathetic…_ Bel didn't even have to look at himself in a mirror to know that was how he looked, curled up in the bed he had just been raped in.

The blond ignored the knock at his door, hoping that whoever it was would go away thinking he wasn't there, but when it opened and Lussuria could be heard talking to someone, Bel shouted in a hoarse voice.

"Fuck off!" the young man curled up tighter at the stress it put on his weak body. "Leave… the prince alone…"

"Bel…" Lussuria looked surprised as he noticed the way Bel shook, his uncovered shoulders poking out from under defiled blankets. "Bel, honey, what happened…?"

Bel didn't reply; he just tried as hard as he could to lose himself in his mind, not wanting to put up with the older man.

"Bel, who did this to you?" It didn't take a genius to put two and two together – the blood and semen on the blankets covering an apparently-naked, distressed Bel told the gay man everything he needed to know.

"Fuck off…" Bel pulled away with a hiss as he felt someone grab his shoulder, memories playing through his mind once again.

Lussuria – the man who had babied Bel since the blond's arrival at just eight years old – knew better than to keep pestering the distressed male.

Turning back to the small boy that was waiting in the doorway, confusion in his large teal eyes, Lussuria gently ushered him out of the room, muttering something that Bel couldn't catch.

Closing his eyes to fight back tears, Bel had never so suicidal before. Maybe before it was the kicks he got out of seeing how deep he could cut himself and bleed out before needing medical attention – something no one in the Varia were sure meant he truly wanted death or attention, or even both – but never before had he wanted to slice himself up so badly, even Lussuria's sun flames wouldn't be able to save him.

Drifting into a restless sleep, Bel could only relive the trauma of that day, over and over again.

_**~~Lussuria's bedroom~~**_

"What happened back there?"

Lussuria turned to look at the boy he had escorted away from Bel's room and into his, not wanting to taint such purity with the darkness of live.

The man scratched as his Mohawk before he tried to explain things to the Varia's newest recruit, a thirteen year old named Fran. "Well, you see… Sometimes, people in the Varia get a little… angry… I think Bel just got into a fight with someone; that's all."

"What was that white stuff mixed in with the blood?" Fran blinked innocently as he waited for an answer.

"That was, uh…" Lussuria didn't know how to explain things to a boy who had been living in an abandoned school, and he didn't know how to ask if he had ever had 'the talk' with anyone before.

Fran waited silently for an answer, his teal eyes focused on the man. He didn't understand why Lussuria couldn't just come out and say it – or was it really that bad of a fight?

Sighing softly to himself, Lussuria whispered, "…Sperm…"

"Huh?" Fran tilted his head in confusion. "What's sperm?"

Lussuria waved his arms dramatically in the air before saying he'd explain things another time – despite his flamboyant nature, having just discovered Bel in _that _state had really put him off trying to talk with a thirteen year old about the wonders of the human body.

"I think it's time for bed for you," Lussuria said, changing the topic.

"But you said I was sleeping in Bel's room," Fran pointed out, his teal eyebrows creased.

"Perhaps it's better for you to sleep in my bed for now, and I'll sleep on the couch downstairs."

Fran blinked, not used to the Varia at all – they were loud, powerful and _confusing. _Surely it would have been easier to remain where he was before?

Getting silently to his feet, the boy pattered along the floor before climbing up into Lussuria's large bed, not quite sure what to do; he was feeling more awkward by the second.

Lussuria said a hurried goodnight over his shoulder as he left the room, needing to clear his mind. There were many things he had expected when showing Fran to his new shared bedroom, but finding the blond in bed, an assault on him obvious, was one thing he could never have expected – _ever. _

The man knew it had to have been one of the members of the Varia, but he couldn't pin down just who; they all had their issues with the prince, but he could never have thought any of them would ever force their comrade into such horrendous acts.

_How am I going to explain this to Xanxus in the morning? _Lussuria thought to himself as he walked down the long staircase to the first floor. _He's going to rip us all apart – that's one thing he's _never _condoned, no matter what. _

Sighing to himself as he hit the flat ground of the first floor, Lussuria could only hope that Bel would be a little more sociable with the morning to come and tell him what had happened, let him try and heal the damage that had been inflicted.

The Sun Guardian sincerely doubted it, though – enough of Bel's pride had to have been taken, leaving no room to accept help from someone the blond viewed as a mere peasant.


	3. Chapter 3

When Bel was woken the next morning by Levi pounding on his door, shouting that there was a meeting downstairs with Xanxus, he knew exactly what had happened – Lussuria had opened his big mouth to the boss and now everyone was going to know what Squalo had done.

Bel could have killed himself at this knowledge, preferring death over the others seeing just how weak he really was.

"Fuck off!" Bel shouted as he pulled his blanket over his head, curling into a ball beneath the sheets. "I'm not coming down!"

"Boss said the meeting's about _you, _so get your ass out of bed, you little shit!" Levi called back. "Boss said drag you downstairs by the _hair _if I have to!"

_It's not like I can get out of bed even if I wanted to… _Bel thought glumly to himself. _Stupid peasant tore me apart… _ "Leave the prince alone, asshole!"

The door handle shook as Levi twisted it open and, seconds later, the door was kicked open with the force of a rampaging rhino. The man's eyes were narrowed as he stomped over to the bed, ripping the blankets from the bed.

"Get out," Levi instructed. "_Now._"

Bel, who was still naked, curled tighter into his ball, desperate to keep what little dignity he had left – he wasn't going to let someone like _Levi _see him like this. "…"

The dark-haired man moved to the dresser and grabbed some clothes before he threw them at the younger man. "Get dressed and get downstairs."

Bel didn't move until he was certain Levi was gone. He uncurled slowly, grabbing the clean clothes lying on the side of the bed.

It wasn't easy sliding his striped shirt over his wounded torso, but it was worse when he tried to pull on a pair of black, casual pants – the damage Squalo had left in his rectum felt as if it were being inflicted all over again.

Fighting back tears at the thought, Bel forced himself to stand on wobbly legs. He gripped the head of his bed before he started walking, trying his best to act as if his whole body didn't feel as if it had been hit by a truck.

Halfway down, Bel met Lussuria who was coming to get him, the younger man's snail pace convincing the others he hadn't even left the bed.

Lussuria was kind enough to keep quiet about what had happened, instead supporting the blond as they traversed the stairs together, Bel having already fallen down one flight earlier.

Lussuria knew Bel's pride was gone if the younger man was allowing him to help like this – he could remember a time where he would have had knives thrown at him for even _suggesting _Bel needed help.

It wasn't until Bel had been brought into the living room and sat on the couch with everyone staring at him as if he had grown a third head did Xanxus speak, his prowess making the others shudder.

"I would like to know why I was woken this morning, only to be told that one of our members has assaulted another." Xanxus' dark eyes shone with malice, his voice commanding both respect and fear. "In the Varia, we do not _rape _our companions."

Bel looked at his lap at these words, his body starting to tremble. He felt so weak, so _dirty, _and the fact that the one who had done this to him was sitting just a few feet away, glaring dangerously at him made him feel like a slut, like he couldn't _tell _anybody about it.

"Tell us, Bel," Xanxus spoke, his voice never once hinting at gentleness or even compassion – merely superior over everyone else in the room. "Tell us who did this."

Bel had never thought he'd be too afraid to dob on his comrades for something they had done to him, but here he was, unable to so much as lift a finger and point it at Squalo. His body shook as he opened and closed his mouth wordlessly, not knowing what to do.

The blond wanted out of this room, away from everyone. He wanted to go back to his room, curl back up in his sheets, sleep, pretend nothing had ever happened – that he was fine, his pride had never been taken, his _virginity _still intact, waiting for someone special.

"Bel?" Lussuria's voice was soft as he spoke, knowing that if Bel wasn't answering to the boss the young man looked up to with the utmost respect, something was really, _really _wrong. "Can you at least point out who did it?"

Bel shook his head, lifting his shaking hands to cover his ears. He wanted to lift his knees to his chest but the pain was too much to do so. He wanted to lie on his side, curl into a ball, hide under mountains of blankets – to be _alone. _

"What if we say a name?" Lussuria suggested, reaching out to comb his fingers through blond locks. "You can either nod or shake your head."

Bel just shrugged, wanting them to leave – what did it matter if they knew who did it or not? If they knew who did it, Squalo was free to brag about what he had done – about taking away Bel's dignity, not just as a prince, but as a living, breathing _person. _

"Was it Levi?" The flamboyant man sounded so confident in this assumption, the addressed man could only raise his hands in defence, stuttering about having been with the boss when the attack had happened.

Bel shook his head, his eyes slipping closed beneath blond bangs. He was grateful his eyes were hidden – it wouldn't do to have anyone see how exhausted from the lack of sleep he was.

Lussuria knew that if it wasn't Levi, this really only left one option. As Xanxus was their boss, he cared somewhat for his subordinates and would _never _humiliate them like this. Fran, who had only just joined and was too young to even know what sex _was, _had no right to be a suspect. Lussuria himself would never do that to anyone and he already knew where he had been when it had happened. Bel was the victim, and if Levi hadn't done it, it left only one person.

"…Squalo…?" Lussuria whispered, unable to believe it. He adored Squalo and treated him as if he had been his own child, but the man's temper was explosive and if the right buttons were pushed, Squalo was really capable of anything.

Bel felt numb as he nodded, unable to care for anything right now – he was so _tired… _

Xanxus' voice was low, a deadly tone in it that was rarely directed towards the Varia group. "Everyone but the shark trash is excused from the meeting. Lussuria, take Bel and heal his injuries."

Bel didn't have the strength to resist as Lussuria picked him up, cradling him with strong arms as the man carried him to the infirmary, Fran following by their side with his tiny hand clutching Lussuria's uniform.

The gay man was careful as he lay Bel down onto one of the beds, trying his best not to cause further damage. He saw Fran pull up a chair from the corner of his eye but, as much as he wanted to ask the boy to leave them in privacy, he couldn't – the boy was new, nervous and didn't know anyone but him, and Bel was to be his partner for missions; there really _was _no hiding this from the boy.

Fran was quiet as Lussuria moved around the room, gathering ointment and everything else he would need. He didn't speak as he watched Lussuria treat the wounds with his own hands, cleaning the blood and other fluids away, before starting the healing process.

Throughout all of this, Bel didn't move, the only signs that he was still alive the soft whimpers and utters of pain that came with disinfecting the wounds.

Lussuria, even after the job was done, stayed by Bel's side as the blond fell asleep, needing to know he could be there for the young man if he were needed.

Fran, too, stayed in the infirmary, sprawled across one chair as his head rested in Lussuria's lap, half asleep.

The older Varia member busied himself with playing with teal hair, trying not to think about the implications of Bel's assault – the thought that Varia's prince may never be the same was horrible; Lussuria loved Bel the way he was, even if the others didn't.


	4. Chapter 4

When Lussuria found Squalo sitting in the kitchen just a few days after the meeting had been called, he couldn't say he felt happy about the bruises all over the younger man's body that had surely come from Xanxus' punishment. He wanted to reach out and heal the injuries but, at the same time, he knew the silver-haired man didn't deserve his kindness – not after what he had done to Bel.

"What are you looking at, Gaylord?" Squalo snarled, turning narrowed eyes to his comrade. "Get the fuck out if you don't have anything to say."

"I can't believe you could do that to poor Bel…" Lussuria said softly, disapproval in his tone. "Don't you remember just how much he looks up to you?"

"Voi! Stop talking shit, trash!" Squalo threw the cup he had been holding against the wall opposite him, unable to admit that the flamboyant male was right about that – he could remember little Bel crawling into bed with him from nightmares, comforting the lonely boy and reassuring him that everything would be okay. How long ago it seemed…

"You _do _remember," Lussuria pointed out. "You remember, but you don't care for anything but your sword. I understand that Bel's pranks get on your nerves at times, but he doesn't deserve what you did to him."

"At least the piece of shit isn't bothering anyone anymore…" Squalo muttered. "What do _you _care about it?"

"Squalo, honey… Bel hasn't bothered anyone because he _won't leave his bedroom _anymore. He's too scared to socialise, much less leave the safety he feels in his bed – and that's all because of what _you _did to him."

Squalo just grunted as he stood up, leaving the kitchen. It was strange for him to be so quiet, but the truth was, he was starting to miss the blond nuisance's antics – it wasn't the same without the maniacal laughter or the insane ramblings of his latest murders.

Even a part of Squalo… felt _bad _for what he had done. He understood he had handled the situation in the worst possible manner, but… What else could he have done? Bel wouldn't listen if he were asked to stop, and if Squalo tried to punish him, he'd have only found it amusing and _knew _he had won.

The things the silver-haired man had said to the younger male weren't even _true. _There was _no way _they'd _ever _choose Bel's twin over him – Bel was _theirs, _no matter how much he could irritate them at times.

Squalo had only said what he _knew _could hurt the younger, wanting nothing more than to be the one causing distress to the detached prince.

So why was he regretting everything he did? Was it because he _cared…? _Or did he merely not want to shoulder the burden that came with being the one to break Bel?

One thing Squalo could _never _do was apologise – that was out of the question. He'd rather live with the guilt for the rest of his life than admit that he had been in the wrong.

_But, fuck it, why is that brat making me feel so shit? Gah. Even when you're not here, you're _still _pissing me off, Belphegor. _

Walking back upstairs to his bedroom, Squalo passed Bel's room. He stopped as he heard small mumbles coming from the new Mist Guardian, but there were no replies; Bel was ignoring Fran for whatever reason – and it was _all his fault. _

Shaking his head, Squalo continued on to his room, knowing that if he thought too much on it, he'd feel even guiltier – and that just wasn't like him.

_**~~Bel~~**_

Bel was feeling very irritated with the brat that was sitting on the bed opposite him, trying to start a conversation with him – he had thought it _very _obvious the fact that he wanted to be left alone with the way he was hiding under his blankets with his back to the boy.

"Belphegor, you're quite boring," the teal-haired boy said, his eyes focused on the lump under the blankets. "Is that why you're locked up in our room? So that you don't bore the others to death?"

Bel didn't respond – he couldn't even find the strength to throw a knife at the pest.

"Belphegor, why won't you get out of bed?" Fran pressed, oblivious to what Squalo had done to the blond. "I'm hungry. You should be making food for me."

_If he doesn't shut up, I swear I'll… _Bel's thoughts trailed off as he tensed, hearing the boy's footsteps approach his bed. _When did he start moving towards me…?_

Fran, who was now standing by the blond's bed, reached out with the intent to pull the blankets off the older male, but the second his hand brushed against what he guessed was Bel's shoulder, he had been knocked to the floor, a hand wrapped tightly around his throat.

"Don't _touch _me," Bel hissed as he tightened his grip, cutting off the younger's air supply. "Don't _ever _touch me, you stupid frog."

Fran tried to push Bel away, but the stronger man only became angrier at the touching. He snarled as he curled his hand into a fist, driving it as hard as he could into the boy's face. He didn't stop, even when the boy whimpered and cried out, trying to pull away.

Bel's body shook, not only in anger but also fear – the second he had felt those tiny hands on him, he panicked, the memories of what Squalo had done to him taking over his mind.

By the time the bedroom door had opened and Lussuria came to check on what all the noise was about, he was just in time to stop Bel from stabbing their newest recruit in the face.

"Bel, stop!" Lussuria wrapped his arms around the younger male, forcing him to let go of the barely conscious boy still in his hands. Bel's hands were covered in blood, as was Fran's face, swollen and starting to bruise.

Fran took Lussuria's intervention as a sign to leave the room so, without a sound, he exited, not looking back at his attacker. He didn't understand what he had done for the other to react so badly, but as he closed the door behind him, he wondered if whatever he had done wrong was the reason he could now hear Bel crying.

Inside the room, Lussuria was helpless as Bel cried into his chest, whimpering and muttering about how dirty he felt, how disgusted he was in himself for not being able to stop Squalo – and how much he hated Fran for bringing the feelings he had managed to numb straight back to the surface by touching him.

Lussuria sighed, realising that Bel's recovery might be harder than they had thought.


	5. Chapter 5

Sometimes, when Bel would look in the mirror, he would no longer see the prince he knew he was, the man he felt was the most attractive thing in the world – the most perfect being that ever existed. Instead, he would see only a foul, disgusting, _defiled _shell of a man who had once been everything he loved.

Bel had no love left for himself, no confidence in who he was. He felt like he was filthy, a _whore, _something undesirable compared to his dead twin.

But the worst thing about it was that he was sure that now, seeing the truth behind his existence – unattractive, used, unloved, _unwanted _– he knew, deep down in his heart, that no one would ever view him as something pure, untouched, _clean. _They would never want his dirtiness in their lives, want him to ruin their perfect setting of their lives with his undesirability.

No one would ever love him, treat him normally. They wouldn't see past the layers upon layers of muck Squalo had left behind with his touch. They would never see him for who he was – a man who had nothing left to lose, someone who had everything taken from him in one fell swoop, a person who just wanted to know what it was like to be accepted for who he is, _loved _for what he is.

The truth is, Bel had never cared much for his royal status – it had been fun using it as a way to get whatever he wanted. Deep down inside him, he had always wondered what it would be like for someone to treat him with care, disregarding the blood that flowed through his veins.

Bel knew that he would never know those feelings he had dreamt of, longed for – wished with all his being he could discover the answer to that question; what would it be like to be loved for who he was?

The Varia had never truly felt like his home, had never truly been able to give him what he needed – a _family, _people who understood him and didn't mind that he was far from stable.

Sure, they put up with him and his antics, but he _knew _they had never cared for him, never thought of him as family the way _he _had.

The Varia were all Bel had, and after joining at such a young age, they were all he knew. He looked up to the members with great respect and undying loyalty – but Squalo had to ruin everything, didn't he?

Squalo had to come and take away not only his pride, his dignity – but his _dreams. _He took away everything that made Bel who he was with just a few touches, a couple of choice words.

Squalo wasn't the type of man to give back what he had taken, either.

It seemed that no matter how many showers Bel took, or how hard he scrubbed at skin that _bled _from his own insane desire of cleanliness, he could never get rid of the feeling of disgust, of how it was _his _fault Squalo had done this to him, how his skin would never stop tingling with the ghost of a touch he _knew _was Squalo's.

And no matter how hard, how much he cried at night, he would never get back the things that were taken from him.

Sometimes, when Bel would look into the mirror, it wasn't _him _he saw – it was a weak, filthy, pathetic little whore who had been powerless to stop Squalo from assaulting him.


	6. Chapter 6

Months had passed since Squalo's attack on his younger comrade. Bel had been sleeping peacefully through lunch when Lussuria came in to wake him up. The older male called his name, knowing Bel didn't want to be touched anymore.

The blond roused slowly, pushing himself into a sitting position with weak limbs. "What…?"

"Well, it's after lunch, dear," Lussuria explained, "and we have to fly out to Japan soon."

"…Huh…?" Bel blinked behind his long shaggy bangs. "…"

"We have a meeting with the Vongola Decimo," the flamboyant man explained. "I've already taken the liberty of packing for you, but it will be good for you to eat something before we leave."

"I'm not going." Bel laid back down, pulling the blanket over him.

Lussuria's lips pursed. "You have to come, honey. We're all required at the meeting, and we couldn't possibly leave you here by yourself."

"What, are you scared I'll try and off myself or something while you're all gone…?"

_Exactly, Bel… _"Of course not. What on earth would give you that idea?"

"I see how you look at me when you come into my room…" Bel mumbled. "I see the way you look around for any signs as to what I've done to myself... I hear you out there – talking to the other members in their rooms about how worried you are of my safety."

"It's not unreasonable, sweetie…" Lussuria was careful to choose his words, knowing he may accidentally set Bel off if he said the wrong thing. "It's just… It's a very common symptom of… of sexual abuse…"

Bel snorted, but when he spoke, Lussuria didn't miss the sadness in his voice. "So because I was _raped, _I'm going to cut myself or something?"

_Yes. _"It's just me worried for your health…"

"Yeah, well – don't be." Bel hid beneath the blanket, hoping it would signal the end of the conversation, but Lussuria still did not leave. "And just so you know, I'm not leaving my bed – much less Italy."

"Bel…" Lussuria truly hadn't wanted it to come to this, but he knew he had no other choice; he would have to sedate Bel so that they could get him into their private jet and into Japan. He would really hate having to keep sticking a syringe in Bel's arm throughout the flight if he started to freak out halfway there.

Bel just ignored him, trying to go back to sleep – the only thing he had been doing since the attack.

_I've got no choice… _Lussuria knew as he went downstairs to grab the suitcase full of clothing he had bought for Bel, knowing the other wouldn't let him in to pack the things he already owned. Once he was standing before the suitcase placed with everyone else's, he opened Bel's, grabbing the syringe and sedatives sitting on top of the clothing.

The flamboyant male caught sight of Fran sitting on the couch, the boy hugging his knees to his chest as he watched Lussuria with wide teal eyes.

"What's that for?" Fran asked, his voice quiet.

"It's for Bel," Lussuria said, knowing that Fran, being so much younger than the rest of them, was still nervous about being here. "We won't be able to get him on the jet, otherwise. It's just to make him relaxed enough so we can carry him on."

"Will it hurt him?" the boy asked innocently; though Bel's attack on him had been enough to make the younger fear him, Fran still seemed to care somewhat about the blond, often helping Lussuria make him meals and deliver them.

"Of course not, dear. It will just make him feel sleepy."

Fran nodded, standing up to follow his guardian back to Bel's room. They didn't speak until Lussuria knocked on the hardwood door once more, knowing he wouldn't get a reply but respecting Bel's privacy enough to keep old customs up.

Lussuria wasn't sure if Bel was asleep again or not, but he called out anyway. "Bel?"

The addressed male didn't respond, and Lussuria knew he had to sedate the other now before Bel figured out what was about to happen; Bel could put up a good fight when he wanted to, and there would be no way he'd let himself be sedated so easily – not after what Squalo had done to him.

Crossing the floorboards, Lussuria stood by his comrade's side for a few seconds, almost unable to do such a thing to the man he had raised since just eight-years-old.

_I have to do this… _Taking a deep breath, Lussuria pulled the blankets from Bel's head, quickening his pace when the blond started to stir.

Bel hissed and turned his head as something pinched his neck. He wasn't sure what to think – he knew it was Lussuria who had come back into his room, but he trusted the other to not hurt him.

_Just like how I trusted _Squalo, _right…? _Bel closed his eyes at this thought, knowing it was true – he had trusted Squalo and the man had _raped _him. _Maybe I should just stop trusting _everyone… _They only seem to want to hurt me…_

"What did… you do…?" Bel whispererd, feeling his consciousness fade.

Lussuria frowned as he reached out, patting blond hair in a soothing manner. "It's okay, Bel – I promise. It's just a sedative for the flight. It'll be okay – I promise you."

Fran, who had been watching by the door, stepped into the room, an uneasy look on his face. "Is he sleeping now?"

Lussuria brushed back blond bangs to check. He let out a sigh of relief as he nodded, scooping the scrawny body into his arms. "Let's go get him on the jet."

Fran's nose scrunched up as Lussuria approached him, an unfamiliar stench wafting from Bel's body. "He smells like rotten garbage."

"He hasn't been bathing, dear," Lussuria explained. "It's not his fault, okay? Don't say anything about it to him."

"Why?"

"Because he's depressed." Lussuria swept a large hand through teal hair. "Do you understand what that means?"

Fran nodded. "He's crazy."

Lussuria couldn't help but feel hurt for Bel at those words – just because Bel's moods were flat didn't make him crazy.

"He's not crazy, sweetie," Lussuria tried to clarify. "He feels really bad and can't take care of himself anymore."

"But he was always showering when I first got here," Fran pointed out. "Why would he suddenly stop?"

"Sweetie, it's really hard for me to explain this to you," the flamboyant male said. "I think you're too young to understand properly, so let's stop talking about this, okay?"

Fran nodded, staying silent at these words. He heard the other members gag and mutter as they passed them in the living room, mumbling between themselves about Bel's condition.

"Voi! We're not getting on the jet with _that_ stinking it out," Squalo called, holding his nose as if to emphasise his point.

Xanxus, who had been standing by him, threw the martini glass he had been holding at the strategy captain. "Shut up, trash. Deal with it."

"Voi!" Squalo turned on his boss, his grey eyes narrowed. "That's _twelve fucking hours _we'll be stuck smelling it!"

"Shut the fuck up," Xanxus snarled.

Squalo didn't argue back, knowing he was pushing his luck. He instead moved closer to Lussuria who was standing by the back entrance. "You'd better give that thing a bath, Gaylord – that's fucking repulsive."

"Squalo, dear, it's not his fault," Lussuria replied calmly. "We also do not have time for me to give him a bath. I'll do what I can for him on the jet."

"If we have to smell that fucking stench while you –"

"– I believe 'that fucking stench' is only present because _you _couldn't handle your temper," Lussuria replied calmly.

Squalo kept silent at these words, knowing Lussuria was right. With a small mutter to himself, the man turned back around, leaving Lussuria alone with Bel and Fran.

Fran looked up at the man, tugging on Lussuria's sleeve. He spoke when the older man leant down to his height.

"Bel-senpai smells really bad," the boy said. "Are you sure you can't give him a bath before we leave?"

"I'm sorry, dear, but we don't have time." Lussuria explained. "I've got some washcloths and soap packed away; I'll do my best to lessen the smell with that."

Fran nodded, feeling ill already from having been so close to Bel for the ten fifteen minutes he had been following Lussuria. He had never smelt anything as bad as he was right now – rotten _milk _and _eggs _didn't even come close to the stench hanging around the blond.

Lussuria could only wish there was something more he could do for Bel – but knowing the blond, Bel wouldn't want his help.

_**~~Twenty minutes later~~**_

Squalo couldn't help but watch as Lussuria ran the wet washcloths over a body that looked as if it hadn't eaten in months.

Bel's ribs were on the verge of poking out of his skin, his stomach was caved in, and his already-long limbs were nothing but skin wrapped tightly around bone. His skin was sickly pale, and his hair was filthier than anything Squalo had seen on a person.

The young man was still out cold, oblivious to what was being done to him, and with Fran's help Lussuria was making progress in cleaning off the dirt and grime that clung to the blond's fragile body – how the man had gotten this grimy when he did nothing but lay in bed all day was beyond the flamboyant man.

Squalo knew the deathly look of Bel's body was all his fault, but sometimes it was easier to play ignorant than take the blame – and that was exactly what he did right now.


	7. Chapter 7

When Bel's eyes opened, he found himself lying in a room he hadn't seen before. It was large, with white walls, a dresser opposite him that stood next to a huge window. A desk was propped not far from the bed, and several bookshelves decorated the surrounding walls.

Another door led off to his right, revealing a conjoining bathroom.

_Where am I…? _Everything was a blur to Bel. He didn't remember much; all he could recall was being curled up in his own bed, a strange, unfamiliar pinch in his neck, and then it was all dark. There were voices, but he couldn't make out anything that had been said; it was all just a distortion.

The double doors that lead out of the bedroom were closed, no voices to be heard from the outside. The window showed a black sky, no ground visible which gave the blond the impression he was in a multi-storey building.

Bel didn't call out for anyone, not wanting to draw attention to himself; all he did was draw the black comforter over his head, curling up into a ball beneath it – with a bit of luck, if someone walked in they wouldn't even notice him.

_What the hell am I doing here…? _Bel felt his body shudder in uneasiness – if he wasn't in his bedroom, and he couldn't remember anything… _I'm so fucking _weak…! _Number one rule of the Varia; don't get yourself caught – and I've been abducted from the fucking _base…! _What if they – shit!_

Bel stayed as still as he possibly could while his body shook involuntarily, hearing one of the doors to the bedroom open.

"Bel?"

The blond's breath hitched at a voice he hadn't heard in several years, one he knew belonged to the Vongola Decimo. So he was in Japan…? Had the Varia brought him here, or… Or had the Vongola…?

Thoughts ran rampart through the Storm Guardian's mind as he heard Vongola Decimo's footsteps approach the bed, and they all circled back to the same fear; _He's going to hurt me, just like Squalo…_

"Bel? It's Tsuna. Lussuria-san said you were sick, so I thought I'd just come and check on you."

_Sick? _Bel thought. _Sounds like Luss to make something like that up. Goddamnit, just leave me alone…! _

"Can I talk to you, Bel?"

Bel could _feel _Tsuna standing right beside him. His harsh breathing indicated that he was about to fall into a panic attack if things didn't change soon.

"Bel?"

The blond threw the blankets off him as he jumped out of the bed as if there was a snake lying next to him. His breathing was harsh as his head turned every which way as if searching for an escape route.

Tsuna knew, just by taking one look at the panicked Varia member before him, this was more than just a sickness – this was a _trauma. _The Bel he remembered from the ring battles was cocky, confident and feared nothing.

So what had happened between then and now?

"I apologise, Bel," Tsuna said, his large brown eyes soft as he surveyed the shaking male before him. "You don't have to say anything; I can see it."

_See what? _Bel's thoughts came and went so fast, he could hardly stay on topic. _What Squalo did? How disgusting I am? Can he see through me? See the things I'm trying so hard to hide from everyone? Can't breathe – scared – gotta go – can't stay – fuck…_

"Bel, please calm down." Tsuna sat down on the floor where he stood, hoping it would bring some sort of comfort to the distressed man before him; surely if someone had done something to Bel, the first thing the blond would look for is a threatening disposition, right?

To the brunet's relief, Bel was able to relax, sensing that Tsuna truly wasn't here to hurt him. Neither of them spoke for a while, not until Bel's shaking had vanished and his breathing returned to a normal pace.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to," Tsuna started off. "It's not my business to know unless you wish to tell me. I just want to lay that out there; if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm happy to lend an ear."

Bel just nodded, wrapping his arms around himself. He noticed now that someone had changed his clothing sometime during his oblivious state; his favourite purple and black striped shirt had been replaced instead with a plain white shirt. The baggy black pants had also been changed to the bottom of his Varia uniform, something he hadn't worn since the attack.

"Who dressed me…?" Bel asked quietly, feeling uncomfortable at not knowing who had invaded his privacy like this – what if they had taken advantage of him? He'd never know about it!

"Oh.. Umm, L-lussuria had to clean you up on the flight over." Tsuna smiled shyly, seeing that Bel was becoming a tad agitated. "He also put your uniform back on as it was… mandatory for the meeting… He was kind enough to leave your jacket off, though."

"I didn't attend a fucking meeting…" Bel hissed. He knew Lussuria wasn't the kind of man who would take advantage of his unconscious comrade, but still…. Who knew what else had happened…?

"I-I suggested you be shown to the bedrooms as you were still in a pretty deep sleep…" Tsuna fidgeted. "The meeting was held off until you awoke…"

"I'm not going…" Bel refused.

"I understand," Tsuna agreed, knowing that Bel was probably feeling fragile; though he himself had never experienced something like this, he was sure it must be a horrible thing to suffer. "I'll arrange for alternatives. Please feel free to remain up here. I'll make sure the Varia understand your presence isn't necessary."

_This kid's different from the ring battles... _Bel acknowledged. _He almost seems much more mature… Understanding… But still far too kind for his own good…_

"My bedroom is at the far end of the hallway," Tsuna pointed out as he stood up to leave. "Please, feel free to seek me out if you need anything."

_Definitely much more mature… _Bel nodded to the younger male, glad to be alone once more.

_**~~Vongola Headquarters~~**_

Squalo sat in the room he had been assigned to upon his arrival to the Vongola Headquarters. His mind was focused on Bel, remembering how fragile the male had seemed during the flight. It hadn't hit him until then just how badly traumatised Bel had become, having been witness to the way the blond struggled to get away from Lussuria, screaming as if the Devil himself was after him. It had taken quite a few dosages of sedatives to get him here, and never before had Squalo felt as bad for someone as he did now.

"I never should have done that to him…" Squalo sighed as he lay back on his bed, looking up at the white roof. "I lost my temper, and it's unforgivable what I did… I wouldn't have done that to anyone else under any circumstances – so why did I do it to Bel…?"

Knowing just how restless he was becoming, Squalo got off the bed and started pacing. _What do I do? Should I say anything to him? Do something for him? An apology's worth shit in this situation, so… _

_Fuck… Why the fuck did I do that…?_


	8. Chapter 8

Squalo had never felt worse about anything he had _ever _done than he did right now, watching the way Bel kept his head down and merely held himself at the dinner table, not touching his food at all.

The blond hadn't spoken a word to anyone, having been forced down out of the bed by Xanxus. All conversation had been careful to avoid him and the topic of his unusual behaviour, not wanting to provoke the blond into anger or sadness.

It wasn't until Tsuna started speaking to the damaged male did Squalo realise just how much he couldn't bear to see Bel like this any longer.

"You can go back to your room if you'd feel more comfortable there, Bel." Tsuna offered a shy smile to the Varia member, hoping Bel wouldn't take it any other way than as of a sign of caring.

"He's fine," Xanxus snarled, almost as if he _wanted _Bel to suffer. "The trash can get the fuck over it and eat with us for a change."

"A-ah, it's just…" Tsuna fumbled over his words, greatly intimidated by Varia's Sky Gaurdian, "...It's just, he looks like he'd rather be alone, and I –"

"It's not your concern, scum," Xanxus barked. "Leave him be!"

"No, maybe Tsuna's right, boss…" Squalo glanced away as all eyes fixed on him, no one having ever expected him to be sticking up the male he had abused – especially in a soft, almost hesitant voice. "I think he should go back to his room…"

Xanxus snorted at these words, his dark eyes glinting with maliciousness. "So you can rape him again?"

The Vongola guardians, who had no knowledge of this, gasped, mumbling amongst themselves. Tsuna was the only one to notice how Bel flinched and pulled away, his mouth opening as a soft whimper escaped it.

"The fuck would you do that to him for?" the Vongola Storm, Gokudera, snarled. His green eyes fixed Squalo with a deadly glare, and if it weren't for the Rain who had grabbed his comrade and pulled him away, the silver-haired male would probably have attempted to jump Squalo.

"I thought you hated him?" Squalo sneered back, unable to stand how he was being treated right now – did they not realise just how fucking _horrible _he felt about it…? "Why would you give a shit about what I did to him?"

"Because he's a _human_, you sick fuck," Gokudera hissed, struggling in his stronger teammate's arms.

"Voi!" Squalo swiped his meal to the ground, getting to his feet angrily. He pointed at his face, his eyes narrowed dangerously. "Can you not see how _fucking _guilty I am over it?! A baby like you would have no idea, so shut the fuck up!"

"Sit down, trash," Xanxus ordered, throwing his glass of wine at his second-in-command.

Tsuna, who could see the way chaos was brewing amongst everyone in the room, could only try to calm them all down by taking control of the situation – something he still wasn't very good at.

"Guys, stop!" the brunet shouted, hoping it would grab everyone's attention. "Stop fighting! This isn't helping anyone!"

After several minutes of shouting, Tsuna finally managed to stop the bickering – aided by Xanxus' furious shout of, "Shut the fuck up, fucking trash!".

Once it became silent, Tsuna sighed in relief. "Guys, I –"

" – Do you really feel bad over it…?"

Everyone turned to look Bel, the blond having barely whimpered out the question. His eyes were hidden behind his long bangs, but the tears that were trailing down his cheeks gave away the fact that he was _very _upset.

"What the?" Squalo nodded, his throat tightening as he tried to speak. "I…"

Bel jumped as Squalo punched the table, a loud "Voi!" echoing through the large dining room. He glanced down, his fists tightening his hold on his Varia jacket. He trembled as his attacker started approaching him, but he gathered up the strength to look Squalo in the face, his voice shaking as he whispered, "So why did you do it…?"

Squalo reached out, pulling Bel roughly from the chair. He slung the younger over his shoulder, ignoring the Storm Guardian's whimpers and struggles.

"Where the fuck are you going with him, trash?" Xanxus snarled.

"I'm taking him to his room where he belongs," Squalo called back as he disappeared around the corner. "Leave us alone so we can talk."

There was silence in the dining room before Tsuna spoke, his eyes scanning his own Guardians along with the Varia.

Meeting Xanxus' gaze, the Vongola Decimo asked, "Is it really okay to let Squalo take him like that?"

Xanxus just shrugged. "If the trash does anything further, he'll be reprimanded."

Lussuria jumped to his feet as he followed after his two retreating comrades, his concern for Bel too deep to let him be alone with the one who had assaulted him.

_**~~Upstairs~~**_

Bel squeaked as he was dumped onto his bed. He curled into a ball, shaking as tears streamed down his face. He was scared, certain that Squalo hadn't meant what he had said earlier at dinner and was really here to hurt him more.

_Why didn't I keep my mouth shut…? _Bel whimpered again at this thought. _It's all because I spoke – damnit – fuck it all – I should just –_

"– Bel."

The addressed male flinched as his name was spoken in such a cold manner. He buried his face into the mattress, unable to stop the way his body shook violently.

Squalo ignored this and continued speaking. "You'd better listen up, and listen _good, _brat, because I'm only going to say this once. You hear me?"

Bel nodded, knowing it wouldn't turn out well in his favour if he ignored the older man.

"Good." Squalo took a deep breath before he barked out, almost as if he just wouldn't get the words out in a softer tone, "I never meant those things I said to you and I'm fucking sorry about what I did. It's been eating at me for ages now and I know you didn't do anything to deserve it."

_I don't… understand… _Bel lifted his head warily to peek at Squalo. He winced when the other extended a hand towards his face, sure that the silver-haired male was going to hit him. _Why is he… apologising…?_

"Voi!" Squalo shouted, irritated by Bel's silence; he had gone _way _out of his comfort zone just to _attempt _to say sorry, and all he gets in return is _nothing? _"Say something, shithead!"

"…" Tears fell harder from Bel's eyes at this, startled beyond belief at Squalo's outburst – he knew the older male was rarely calm, but he had at least expected the other to give him some time to think about it. "…I… need time…"

"You –" Squalo cut himself off as he remembered he had _no idea _what the younger was going through right now. Perhaps he was being too harsh and inconsiderate?

"…" Squalo sighed, forcing himself to speak in a civilised tone. "…Alright. I won't bother you anymore until you decide."

Bel just nodded, reaching out to pick at the comforter he was laying on. He didn't speak as Squalo left the room, his thoughts weighing him down.

_Squalo never apologises to anyone, no matter what he did… _Bel sighed as he pushed himself up, slipping beneath the blankets quietly. _He must really be feeling very bad to have done this… But no matter what he says or does, it will never change what he did to me. _

_But… At the same time, Squalo always has been my favourite person in the Varia… He always used to let me sleep with him when it was storming, or when I was feeling sad… I know he cares… I think… Maybe he just wasn't having a good day and… my prank set him off…_

_Will things be better if I forgive him…? Will all the bad thoughts finally leave me alone…? I hate feeling like I want to die… Like I hate myself… I just… I just want those thoughts to stop…_

Bel didn't fight back his tears anymore; he let them stream down this cheeks as he sobbed, clutching the blankets close to him.

Outside, Squalo listened to Bel's cries, and he just didn't know what to think anymore; had he made things worse with Bel? Had his apology all been for nought…?

"You must really care for him more than we realised."

Squalo blinked as he looked up, finding Lussuria approaching from down the corridor. "What?"

"I know you, Squalo," the flamboyant male said. "If it were anyone else, you'd have been taunting them at the dinner table long before Xanxus or Tsuna said anything. Instead; you defended him and brought him up here. If I'm not mistaken, you'd have apologised to him. Am I right?"

Squalo just shrugged. "Doesn't make a difference; the brat's still crying."

"He loves you, dear." Lussuria reached out to pat silver hair. "He loves you very much. I'm sure that with everything that's happened, he's just having a hard time deciding on what to think. Give him time; you did the right thing by admitting you did something wrong. I'm sure that means the world to him – to anyone in his position. I think he'll come around soon."

Squalo nodded, turning to head back downstairs. He knew he didn't want to listen to Bel's cries anymore; he just wanted the younger male to be happy again.

The truth was, he really missed hearing Bel's maniacal laughter and seeing the younger's distorted happiness with life.

_**~~That night~~**_

Squalo had been fast asleep before the closing of his bedroom door jolted him into waking consciousness. He instinctively grabbed hold of the sword he kept under his pillow, ready for anything.

"Who the fuck is it?" the silver-haired male snarled.

There were light footsteps as someone approached his bed, and Squalo could hear the uncertainty in their gait.

"...I-it's Bel…"

Squalo blinked a few times before he sat up, reaching over and turning the bedside lamp on. He took a good look at the younger.

Bel was shaking, his hands clutching the Varia jacket he was still wearing tightly. His lips were downturned in a frown, almost as if he were scared.

_Why is he…coming to _me…? Squalo was silent, not knowing what to say.

As if he could read the long-haired man's thoughts, Bel explained his presence. "…I-it's storming outside…"

Squalo understood immediately; the younger's fear of storms were what had driven him here tonight.

Moving aside on the large bed so Bel could slip in, Squalo asked, "Why me? Why not Lussuria or someone?"

"…" Bel licked his lips as he laid down, careful to keep distance between he and the older male. "…B-because I… I feel safest with you when I don't feel right…"

Squalo couldn't say how much these words hurt him – all that trust in him, and look at what he had done to Bel…

"Alright…" Squalo turned the lamp off as he rolled onto his side, his back facing Bel. "Goodnight…"

"Night…"

Squalo couldn't sleep – he just _couldn't. _He could hear Bel's breathing evening out, the blond still perched on the far side of the bed. He hadn't expected for them to get any closer, but then…

"S-squalo…"

The addressed man tensed as he felt Bel come closer to him. He turned around, knowing the other was still fast asleep, and was just in time to feel the Storm Guardian curl up close to his front, small hands fisting his nightshirt tightly.

_What is he…? _Squalo didn't know what to think, especially as Bel continued to sleep talk.

"Squalo, I…" Bel's voice was soft, almost uncertain even during his sleep. "…I love you, Squalo… Forgiven…"

**There will be an epilogue next chapter to tie up a few more loose ends. **


	9. Chapter 9

Bel didn't mind camping out under the stars – not while he was with Squalo. Usually he would have found a motel to sleep in, but the older male's lap made such a comfortable pillow, it was hard to complain.

A few years had passed by since Squalo had apologised and, though he sometimes still found it hard to be around him, Bel had made a lot of progress in his recovery, going as far as to follow the long-haired man all the way to Japan.

They were here with Squalo's student from the Vongola, the Rain Guardian Bel knew as Yamamoto. The teenager was asleep, exhausted from such a long day of training, leaving Bel and Squalo to have a moment.

The older male's fingers played with blond hair as he stared at the young man in his lap. Bel didn't seem to be very far from sleep.

"Hey, Squ-Squ?" Bel pushed himself into a sitting position, smiling at the other. "Squ-Squ, I… I decided an answer to your question from last month."

Squalo raised a silver eyebrow at these words, knowing exactly what question the younger was referring to. "What's your answer?"

Bel nodded. "Yes. Yeah, the prince will be your boyfriend."

Squalo smirked as he leant forward, placing his lips on the smaller male's. He was happy to have gotten this answer – the past few months he had realised that, with things repairing between them, he _loved _the blond, something he always had done but never realised.

Bel was only too happy to press back into the kiss but, as hands trailed down to his hips, he pulled away, a faint blush on his cheeks.

"I just don't want to have sex yet," Bel admitted, hoping Squalo wouldn't mind.

"Yeah, that's okay," the long-haired man said. "We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."

Bel smiled and kissed his new boyfriend. Squalo was eager to return it, just glad that Bel had found the strength to recover from the trauma _and _forgive him for everything.

Yamamoto, who had been woken by their soft voices, cracked an eye open. He was surprised to find the two men on the other side of the campfire with their lips locked together, but part of him felt happy about it; Bel was _much _happier now than he had been at that meeting with the Vongola all those years ago.

Squalo must mean a lot to Bel for things to have come this far between them, considering the circumstances.

And then, almost as if to prove the Vongola Rain's point, Squalo whispered, "I love you, Bel."

Bel buried his face in the older male's chest, his arms wrapping around Squalo in a hug. "I love you, too, Squ-Squ."

Yamamoto didn't mind that they kept him up for a while longer with their kisses and gentle touches together; all that mattered was the scars that once marred Bel's pale wrists had long faded, and his frightened, untrusting disposition had disappeared, replaced once again by his happy-go-lucky, insane personality.

Bel was getting better, and that was worth the price of Yamamoto missing out on his sleep.


End file.
